SENIORS GROWL AT LIONS
Authorities were recently alerted by Lions Junction Waterpark personnel that the waterpark had been broken into sometime during the last few weeks. As City of Temple police scrambled to piece together what had happened, these facts have emerged:The break-in came to light when the electric bill for the waterpark showed a higher than normal usage for the park than when it is open only on weekends. The park is currently shut down for the winter.
While investigating the grounds for an electrical issue, it was discovered that wire cutters had been used to get in through the surrounding chain-link fence at ground level. Teenagers are suspected.
There was no sign of forced entry into the locked office, leading authorities to believe that someone had a key to the office, but not a key to the main gate. Nothing appears to have been stolen, but one large red button for the water features was activated. That button activates the 2 mile-per-hour lazy river current and is believed to have been left running, non-stop, for some time, which is what resulted in the noticeably higher electric bill.
Lifeguards who had access to the office key were questioned, and all were completely clueless except one, who seemed very frightened. This person was the manager for the pool, and fellow lifeguards claim that nothing frightens this man, but he was clearly unsettled during questioning.
The investigation continues.
UPDATE:
During a polygraph examination, the pool manager confessed that he had been kidnapped from his home by a group of over-50 women who call themselves the Wet and Wild Gang, and was forced to accompany them, with his office key, to the waterpark. He states that they did not have knives, guns, or any weapons at all, but rather threatened him with something they knew about him instead (The nature of which will not be made public in this article).The hole in the fence had already been cut, and the women forced him through the hole, which they were rather proud of, rather than using his gate key.
He was forced to remain on the lifeguard stand for several hours by massive amounts of Velcro on his trunks, while the women walked or ran in the lazy river,. When asked how they expected him to be able to move quickly enough to save someone from drowning, he told investigators that he asked them the same thing and they had replied "We don't need no stinking lifeguard...just the key' "
He refused to name the women in the group, as he said he fears for his life should his secret be made known, but this much is known about them:
The ringleader is said to be a 63-year-old senior citizen on crutches who has gone to the waterpark daily for the last seven years to run around the lazy river for several hours at a time while waving yellow paddles.
One woman has a German accent and shouldn't be too hard to spot in a small Texas town. It was reported that she was the more aggressive of the group, verbally.
The other four seniors have been regulars at the River walk for the last two to three years. One of them, a very quiet lady, known as "Lone Wolf," who tends not to join the group discussions while walking, surprisingly was one of the Wet and Wild women who kidnapped the lifeguard. It is reported that she told him, "still waters run deep" when he expressed surprise at seeing her.
Nearby residents claim to have heard choir-like singing and giggling coming from the children's play area outside the waterpark in the early morning a few weeks ago, but thought nothing of it. Apparently the group was singing "Don't Fence Me Out!" while cutting the chain-link in broad daylight, rather than being stealthy about it, which would likely have made residents more suspicious.
The pool manager stated that the group was simply upset that the waterpark had closed down while the weather was still Texas-hot, and they just wanted their daily "river walk" until it became too cold to use an outdoor pool. He requested that they not be arrested, as they did no real harm other than run up the electric bill, and create a new entrance to the waterpark.
Keith Dawson, regional pool manager, apologized for the closure, but stated "if we had more lifeguards, we could keep the pool open longer, but they all go back to high school or college at this time of year". He added that if they want to bring their own life guard, they're welcome to use the waterpark. "..But it would be nice if they would at least pay a rental fee and not kidnap the employees."
Authorities are still on the lookout for the dripping wet, chlorine-scented senior citizens who may still be desperate and determined enough to return to the scene of the crime at 9:45 am, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
"Senior citizens are often creatures of habit", said the City of Temple Police Sergeant. "They'll be back."
