LIFETIME RESOLUTIONS - not just for New Years anymore

Originally posted in 1998.

Happy New Year!

The following are my LIFETIME RESOLUTIONS. It is sort of my personal "Reference Guide/Help File for Life."

I put these thoughts together around 1990 and the list has never been edited since. I re-read them every New Years...and sometimes more often when I remember them...and I wish I had remembered them a couple of weeks ago! LOL! I used to have them printed out and posted over my desks at home and at work, but I moved so many times that the only place I could remember where I put them was on my old website! Now they are here on my blog, and despite being nearly 20 years old, are still timeless.

The books referred to are Dan Millman: "Way of the Peaceful Warrior"; and Richard Bach: "Illusions", "Bridge Across Forever" & "One", among others.


LIFETIME RESOLUTIONS

Continually ask myself this question: "Am I doing at this moment what I most want to do? And if not, WHY NOT?!"

Continue the challenge of facing fear head-on.

Try everything at least once before deciding whether I like it or not. And sometimes even MORE than once if it is something I am embarrassed or frightened of.

Learn to recognize a potential problem before it hides in the subconscious.

Ask for and accept gracefully the criticisms of others. Take what fits and leave the rest behind.

Stay firm in my resolve to be ME at all times.

Don't walk in anyone else's shadow.

Never lie to the dog.

Stand up not only for MY rights, but for WHAT is right.

Let it flow and let it go.

If anyone should ask "why", simply answer "why not?"

Treasure each moment as though it were my last - for it just may be...

Remember that all are immortal and one with every living thing in the universe, death is merely a mortal illusion - a trick played on us by our primitive brains.

See myself in everyone and learn from the outcome of their choices.

I am as young as I want to be - age is only a measure of time that doesn't exist in any realm but my mind. Time itself is but a man-made illusion.

Stay self-reliant and self-sufficient..

Be aware of and beware of dependency...NO ONE is worth losing my soul over.

Read people's words...not their minds...ABSOLUTELY MOST POSITIVELY IMPORTANT!!

Never inflict on others the cruelties I have endured - always let people KNOW where they stand and never flirt or toy with them or tease them for sport.

Remember always that others have feelings, too, and they can be bruised just as easily and painfully as I was. NO ONE deserves that kind of pain - NO ONE!

Don't EVER give mixed signals! Total honesty at ALL times.

If communication ceases, don't cease to communicate.

Know that all my paths in life exist and that it is up to me to choose which one to follow each day.

Do not make choices by default, be an active participant in my own life.

Somehow learn to FOCUS!!

Return to school and finish that bachelor's degree - in SOMETHING, DAMN IT - FOCUS!!!!!

Remember that my intelligence does not require a piece of paper for it to exist naturally.

I don't need to prove anything to anyone...except to myself.

Stop envying traits in others - cultivate them in myself!

Remember that being alone is essential for growth both in myself and in those around me. Being alone together is the sincerest form of friendship.

Each "mistake" is simply an unexpected learning experience. Cherish the mistakes.

There are no "wrong" relationships. Each one is a learning experience to aid in finding the "right" one. (You have to kiss a lot of toads before you ever find the prince).

Make lemonade out of every lemon life hands me...and add a little sugar in the form of humor, too. :>

If I don't take emotional risks, how can I ever expect to succeed? You only fail by not trying in the first place.

Continue to see the humor and paradox in life - rejoice in the illusion of it all!

I choose my own emotions - there is no need for me to ever be angry or depressed because I can choose my own happiness.

Do not dwell on past events, they cannot be changed, only learned from.

Accept the things I cannot change (such as the behavior of another person); have courage to change the things I can (such as my attitude toward a given situation) and make sure I know the difference between the two!

Nothing can be changed until it is faced.

Be strong always...it CAN be done! Remember my Rainbow Warrior...

Do not forget that I am the sum of all the positive definitions and descriptions of my name. It fits me perfectly.

Do not have expectations, life doesn't follow any script.

Do not allow others to drag me down or stifle me - I am capable of making my own decisions.

Only -I- am the Captain of my fate and the Master of my soul.

Love myself FIRST...it is the greatest love of all.

Remember that no one is ever too fat to be loved...

Embarrassment is non-existent if you truly don't care what others think.

Build self-defense skills so that weight loss can happen.

Just enough is always just right.

Remember always that THINGS TAKE TIME...

Know I am beautiful on the inside...where it counts!

The inner person is ALWAYS more important than the exterior that they present.

Do not allow a skin deep barrier to block the vision to one's soul.

Never forget the inner flame that is the Rainbow Warrior. It is my core of strength and dignity and burns eternal.

Re-read Bach and Millman at LEAST once a year...preferably more often...and definitely as needed.

Know that I am not given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. I may have to work at it however.

Remember the blue feather in the agate slice...and how it got there. ;>

Whether I think I can or I think I can't - I'm right...and I -know- I CAN!

Play only games where everyone wins. Never trample another for ANY reason...

Acceptance and forgiveness - Accept others for their differences, forgive them their shortcomings. We are all perfect in our own ways.

Never take any of my friends for granted, they are the most special people in the world. Never let them forget it... :>

Share these life gifts with others - it is the only way to repay those who have shared them with me.

About Crystal Eikanger
Crystal Eikanger is a freelance writer, web designer, video editor and voice talent working as Ei-Kan Productions on www.rentacoder.com as well as other freelance sites.

Mallards and Wisdom

Once while walking to a departmental library at the University of Washington in Seattle, I saw a male Mallard duck hopping back and forth from the sidewalk to the roadway. He was pecking at something in the road, and when a car would come by, he would hop back to the sidewalk. As I passed, I looked at the road to see what it was that the duck was so fascinated with.

It was a female Mallard...that had been hit by a car, and was very obviously dead. But that didn't matter to the male...he was not pecking at her, as much as he was nudging her, trying to get her to get up, to get out of the road. It was very sad to watch...and at the time, I didn't quite understand what I was witnessing.

I walked on and did what I needed to do at the library, and on my way back, saw the male duck again...only this time, he was also in the road...dead...on top of his mate.

And then I remembered some trivia from my biology classes....Mallards mate for life.

They were together again, at last. And I cried for the rest of my walk home as many realizations washed over me. It is a scene I have never forgotten (I can still see it in my mind's eye as I type this) and it touches me deeply every time I think of it.

Until that moment, I had not realized what "mate for life" meant in the biological world. I was seeing it in action, and it was so sad to watch, and then to know what it was I had seen touched me deeper than I could ever imagine. That something as simple-minded as a bird, could have such an "emotional" (for lack of a better word) tie to its mate that it was willing to put it's own life in danger to protect, save, or just "be there for him/her"...was something that I had not completely understood. I had seen it in nature movies with wolves, but those were movies...edited, not real...or so I had thought. It was a shock to see that it was truly a real phenomenon.

I had thought that such a deep, protective, all-encompassing emotion was only a human trait...my own.

And I have since discovered that it is a very rare trait in humans, unless they are capable of loving deeply and completely. Buckminster Fuller is the only human I have ever heard of who took this to an extreme. When he got word that his wife was dying in hospital, he went to her side, held her and simply willed himself to die, so that he would be in heaven waiting for her, to greet her when she died, as he had promised her. I've often wondered if they found each other...because this is something I would consider doing also if in a similar situation with my own loved one. Like the Mallard, I know I would not live long after my loved one's death. And it is not uncommon among the elderly that within a year of a dear spouse's death, the other dies, too.

This story came to mind because last night my dearest friend told me "love is a very powerful tool that we often turn against ourselves, often unknowingly". He is so right, and I am in awe of his wisdom. Sometimes love puts us in danger of losing ourselves to another. We can lose our souls, and in extreme cases, our lives, to another person...all in the name of that instinctual emotion called "love". Yes, love is blind...it cannot see what it is doing to itself...and it makes us see through clouded eyes, blinding us to the dangers that lurk among our heartstrings.

But have you ever tried to NOT fall in love with someone? I mean, really...you feel yourself falling, you know it is not a wise thing for many reasons (distance, language, whatever), yet there is nothing you can do to break the fall...and *poof* you find yourself totally immersed in love, and wondering "Ok, I'm here, NOW what??" and you cannot climb out of the pool because the edges are too slippery. There are powers beyond our control...and love, be it instinctual, emotional, spiritual or physical, is the most powerful of all.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
.....Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
.....It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
.....Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
.....It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
.....Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And now I will leave you with another favorite quote of mine from when I was a teenager.

Love will fly if held too lightly
Love will die if held too tightly
Please hold me rightly
---Ray Bradbury, Marionettes, Inc.

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Älskling, hålla mig rätt

Hej då, mina kära...men vi är vänner alltid.