Mallards and Wisdom

Once while walking to a departmental library at the University of Washington in Seattle, I saw a male Mallard duck hopping back and forth from the sidewalk to the roadway. He was pecking at something in the road, and when a car would come by, he would hop back to the sidewalk. As I passed, I looked at the road to see what it was that the duck was so fascinated with.

It was a female Mallard...that had been hit by a car, and was very obviously dead. But that didn't matter to the male...he was not pecking at her, as much as he was nudging her, trying to get her to get up, to get out of the road. It was very sad to watch...and at the time, I didn't quite understand what I was witnessing.

I walked on and did what I needed to do at the library, and on my way back, saw the male duck again...only this time, he was also in the road...dead...on top of his mate.

And then I remembered some trivia from my biology classes....Mallards mate for life.

They were together again, at last. And I cried for the rest of my walk home as many realizations washed over me. It is a scene I have never forgotten (I can still see it in my mind's eye as I type this) and it touches me deeply every time I think of it.

Until that moment, I had not realized what "mate for life" meant in the biological world. I was seeing it in action, and it was so sad to watch, and then to know what it was I had seen touched me deeper than I could ever imagine. That something as simple-minded as a bird, could have such an "emotional" (for lack of a better word) tie to its mate that it was willing to put it's own life in danger to protect, save, or just "be there for him/her"...was something that I had not completely understood. I had seen it in nature movies with wolves, but those were movies...edited, not real...or so I had thought. It was a shock to see that it was truly a real phenomenon.

I had thought that such a deep, protective, all-encompassing emotion was only a human trait...my own.

And I have since discovered that it is a very rare trait in humans, unless they are capable of loving deeply and completely. Buckminster Fuller is the only human I have ever heard of who took this to an extreme. When he got word that his wife was dying in hospital, he went to her side, held her and simply willed himself to die, so that he would be in heaven waiting for her, to greet her when she died, as he had promised her. I've often wondered if they found each other...because this is something I would consider doing also if in a similar situation with my own loved one. Like the Mallard, I know I would not live long after my loved one's death. And it is not uncommon among the elderly that within a year of a dear spouse's death, the other dies, too.

This story came to mind because last night my dearest friend told me "love is a very powerful tool that we often turn against ourselves, often unknowingly". He is so right, and I am in awe of his wisdom. Sometimes love puts us in danger of losing ourselves to another. We can lose our souls, and in extreme cases, our lives, to another person...all in the name of that instinctual emotion called "love". Yes, love is blind...it cannot see what it is doing to itself...and it makes us see through clouded eyes, blinding us to the dangers that lurk among our heartstrings.

But have you ever tried to NOT fall in love with someone? I mean, really...you feel yourself falling, you know it is not a wise thing for many reasons (distance, language, whatever), yet there is nothing you can do to break the fall...and *poof* you find yourself totally immersed in love, and wondering "Ok, I'm here, NOW what??" and you cannot climb out of the pool because the edges are too slippery. There are powers beyond our control...and love, be it instinctual, emotional, spiritual or physical, is the most powerful of all.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
.....Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
.....It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
.....Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
.....It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
.....Love never fails.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And now I will leave you with another favorite quote of mine from when I was a teenager.

Love will fly if held too lightly
Love will die if held too tightly
Please hold me rightly
---Ray Bradbury, Marionettes, Inc.

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